


Bury Your Worry

by WednesdaysDaughter



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Crew as Family, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Star Trek Beyond
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-02
Updated: 2016-11-02
Packaged: 2018-08-28 16:04:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8452792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WednesdaysDaughter/pseuds/WednesdaysDaughter
Summary: He dreams of the dead, but they’re smiling beside him as the stars lay out an endless number of paths.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I've been having trouble writing. Both with summoning the drive to do so and with what to say when I've got my Word document open. My other Trek fic is slowly - and I mean slowly - coming along. I do plan on having the second chapter up today at some point so for now I hope this satisfies. 
> 
> Star Trek Beyond was everything I hoped it would be and more. I just had to pay my respects some how even if I had to fight to get this all written down.

**I.** “I knew you’d come for us.”

The clamor nearly drowns her words out, but Jim hears the utter certainty wash over him until he’s suddenly light-years away with the wind whipping around his ears. She’s a vision leaning against the cold table to his right; her eyes dancing with every gentle sip of the golden liquid in her glass.

He watches her in silence as they recall a moment in a bar before the madness that space offered them. Years ago he might have brushed it off – eased into his flirtatious persona until she scoffed in disbelief and left him for better company. However Jim’s smile is authentic and tender as it unfurls and he brushes his shoulder against hers.

“Always.”

It’s as much of a promise as it is a fact of life.

Her lips are a silken whisper on his bruised flesh and Nyota vanishes in the crowd without a backwards glance although she feels Jim’s eyes on her until she is lost. Scotty finds her another drink and they pass the time with Jaylah and Keenser.  She walks the room as people begin to part; waving to Chekov and hugging Sulu’s daughter close before reluctantly returning her to her father. McCoy waits by the door, shaking his head at the two figures by the window who can’t seem to part for long.

She can’t hear them over the departing crowd, but Jim’s laugh carries over and she can picture the look on Spock’s face for she’s certain he didn’t mean for his words to cause amusement. Jim reaches over to grasp Spock’s shoulder and Nyota’s attention is pulled away by Jeff accidently colliding into her leg before she can see Spock lean into the friendly gesture.

It doesn’t go unnoticed by McCoy.

His eyes fall to her throat as she plays with the necklace and he tries to hide his smirk, but Nyota catches it when she looks away from Jim and Spock who seem content to watch the construction of a new Enterprise.

Cocking her eyebrow Nyota silently inquires, but McCoy shakes his head and lays his hand on her lower back to guide Nyota out of the room.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

 

 **II.** Halfway between dreams and reality Jim jerks out of the growing nightmare and crashes onto the floor.

The sun’s struggling on the horizon and his eyes had been closed for three hours. Grumbling about this that and the other, Jim takes a quick shower and tries to make himself presentable for the various meetings scheduled throughout the day.

Most of them don’t require his presence, but he’s bored beyond compare and he can’t spend his days in the hangar watching the progress of his ship. Scotty kicked him out three times yesterday before Spock was called to intervene.

Most of the information covered in the morning meetings is on his PADD. Various admirals make themselves known and do their best to kiss Jim’s ass while trying to figure out the reason he passed up the promotion. He smiles and laughs and shakes hands while biting his tongue at the sly digs at his inexperience. Admiral Wright talks down to him; Admiral Barnet reminisces, and Admiral Paris barely hides his desire to be anywhere but there when someone bates Jim into flashing his fangs.

 “I wasn’t ready to say goodbye to my ship,” Jim eventually confesses and is relieved at the wistful expressions in the room. He suspects most of the animosity is actually jealousy and he counts his fortunate stars when they break for lunch.

The remaining day passes in a haze until Chekov corners him in the mess looking frantic and guilty – a combination Jim knows all too well.

“Keptin…” he begins, but the knot in Jim’s gut makes him cut Chekov off. He’d gotten the request that morning and it stings, but he can’t force these people to follow him: Not when they’ve got the potential to tame stars.

“It’s a great opportunity Pavel, you should feel honored they picked you. Or rather they should feel honored that you’re accepting.”

Chekov looks down at his boots and his eyes are slightly wet when Jim pats his shoulder.

“The Reliant is an excellent ship and I happen to know the Chief Engineer. Trust me, you’re in good hands. Not to mention this is an excellent chance for you to grow as a member of Starfleet.”

“Thank you, Keptin. I will not let you down.”

Jim’s heart lurches at the determination in Chekov’s voice – his bright eyes burning with pride and back straight with purpose.

“I know you won’t.”

 

 **III.** The Enterprise is 47.2% complete when Winona drops by.

“A birdy told me you were thinking about teaching a couple classes on crisis situations while your ship is outta commission.”

Her hair falls softly past her shoulders; golden curls bouncing in the warm sun outside of the main building. Cadets file past them, gushing excitedly at the newest group of temporary teachers who’ve come to give lectures likely to save their lives.

Someone called Jim a hero in the middle of his first lecture and his fists still haven’t uncurled.

“Figured I’d put myself to good use,” he replies before falling in step with his mother. She guides them to a bench beneath a tree not far from the Medical building. He and McCoy had many study sessions on that bench so it feels like safe ground for a battle Jim’s not sure he’s ready to fight.

“That’s good. You were never a kid to sit idle when there was work to be done.”

Her eyes say she’s miles – years – away and Jim waits patiently for her to return. She did that a lot when he was growing up. Some nights he’d curled into bed with her after a nightmare and Winona would take him to a time before George Kirk died and Jim followed them both willing into dreams filled with stars he’d never seen.

“I had some time to kill before we set off.  We’re shipping out Thursday after we pick up your navigator.”

“Not my navigator anymore,” Jim admits softly and Winona hums.

“You’ll always be his first captain though Jim, the first captain he chose. No transfer can change that.”

It’s the first time Jim’s able to breathe in three days. He nudges her shoulder with his own and startles in surprise when Winona chuckles and throws her arm around him. She squeezes him tight and rests her head against his.

“Oh Jimmy – we both know there’s no way that kid is gonna get a chance to advance to First Officer as long as that Vulcan of yours stays. I’ll take good care of him, promise.”

Jim knows she means it so he relaxes into her arms just long enough to feel eight again before clearing his throat.

“Wanna grab something to eat?”

Winona’s answering laugh makes him grin.

“Kid, I thought you’d never ask.”

 

 **IV.** Scotty’s the one who suggests it.

“I’m just saying sir that with wee Chekov gone we’re down a man and I can’t live without our poker night – I just can’t.”

Since the get-go it was an unspoken agreement that the men would get together in Engineering once a week and bond over ill-gotten credits and alcohol. It’d taken almost five months to convince Spock to join and his exemplary poker face made it a matter of pride for the others to beat him.

“Who do you have in mind?” Jim asks and immediately regrets his decision when Scotty grins manically.

If teaching Spock the “merits” of poker had been hard, teaching Jaylah seems impossible.

“Why can I not just threaten you to show me your cards?”

Sulu snickers behind his hand and Spock quirks a brow when Jim’s head hits the table in defeat. McCoy, who has no pity for Jim, drinks deeply from his glass while Scotty leans in and attempts to explain – once more – the rules of the game.

Scotty had tried to sneak them onto the Enterprise so they could meet in their regular spot, but the sudden explosion and frantic engineers had nipped that idea in the bud.

“I still say we would’ve been fine in my quarters. It’s not like we’re not used to her falling apart.” Scotty had groused on the way to an unoccupied room in the medical building.

“Too soon.” Sulu said gravely as Jim grimaced and McCoy shook his head.

“Fair enough.”

“I still do not understand Montgomery Scotty, but if this is how you play I will adhere to your rules.”

“Thank you lassie – and as for you lot, let’s see ‘em.”

Groans circled room as one by one they revealed their hands and it was no surprise that Spock had won again.

“I still say letting that hobgoblin play was a bad idea. His face doesn’t express emotions when we’re facing down death and danger let alone when he draws a good card!” McCoy complained as he said goodbye to his hard earned credits.

“Come on Bones, it’s not that bad. Besides we’re bonding – this is good for crew moral!”

Jim had become accustomed to losing during poker nights so it didn’t bother him much to watch Spock rake in his winnings.

“While I have reservations about the Captain’s reasoning,” Spock began, “it cannot be helped that I am able to control both my face and my emotions during this game whereas your left eye twitches when you get a hand you do not like and you stretch your right leg approximately 4.67 inches when drawing a favorable card.”

“He’s got your number,” Sulu guffaws when McCoy sputters in response.

Jim leans back when Jaylah tugs on his arm impatiently.

“What does this mean James T?”

Jim scans her cards and a giggle bursts from his lips before glancing over at Spock who is watching him closely.

“It means that Spock isn’t the only one with a good poker face.”

Jaylah huffs and throws her cards on the table, which causes the others to break out in mixed reactions. Spock’s right eye twitches when he takes in her winning hand and Jim extends his right foot a few inches until it brushes gently against Spock’s left.

Eyes twinkling, he winks and then proceeds to watch Jaylah’s face light up in joy as the credits transfer from Spock to her.

 

 **V.** “You’ve got to say something Jim.”

“I don’t have to do anything.”

McCoy scowls and opens his mouth to say more, but Jim’s out the door and down the hall before he can blink.

“Dammit Jim!”

It’s cold outside.

Wrapping his coat firmly around his chest, Jim storms off until he runs out of steam and is forced to duck into a bar before his fingers fall off. He avoids eye contact and settles on a stool before he’s made by the group of cadets in the back corner.

“Whiskey,” he says before the bartender can ask and then flashes a charming grin when she returns with the good stuff.

“I don’t care how many times you’ve saved the universe so you’d better tip me like you mean it.”

Blue meets blue and Jim’s laugh lights up the room when his brain connects the dots.

“Like I haven’t heard that before,” he teases and the bartender winks before pouring him another.

“I thought you were on Sati Prime helping with the bloodworm bloom?”

Christine Chapel scoffs and leans against the bar until her face is inches from Jim’s.

“Show how much attention you pay to the briefings. We took care of that two months ago – I’ve been back a little over three weeks helping Leonard out and taking classes to keep my skills sharp.”

“No one would accuse you of anything less than perfection,” Jim acknowledges, “They would probably be surprised to see you in a dive like this though.”

Christine shrugs, “Gotta pay the bills somehow.”

Jim raises his glass in salute and downs the brown liquid without hesitation. He’s the only one at the bar so Christine’s quick with the refill and Jim gets the impression there’s something she wants to say – so he beats her to it.

“You know Bones’ isn’t as young as he used to be: Getting slow in his old age. He could really use the help if you’re free.”

“I’m not that much older than you.”

Jim spins around at McCoy’s growl and beams.

“Bones! How’d you find me?”

He can’t see it, but he’s sure Christine rolls her eyes in time with McCoy.

“I know you like to think you’re clever Jim, but you’re not and I’ve known you long enough that you hiding spots are beacons.”

Pouting, Jim spins around on his stool and ignores McCoy who slides into the one on his right. If he closes his eyes Jim can picture a similar situation, but instead of a doctor it’s a ghost who speaks and his eyes begin to sting.

“ _One tragedy at a time_ ,” Jim thinks bitterly tapping his glass impatiently on the bar until Christine reluctantly tops him off.

Fourth drink warming his blood, Jim turns to ask McCoy why he followed him and stops when he sees the sympathy in his eyes. It makes him want to run even though that defense mechanism was weeded out years ago when he took a dare.

“Aw hell kid,” McCoy mutters before pulling Jim into one of their many half-hugs. They sit like that for a few minutes until Jim starts to doze off and Christine cuts him off.

“Get our Captain home would you Len?” she asks trying to disguise the softness in her face with a rough voice. McCoy nods and herds Jim towards the exit before he can process her words. Before the cold air can steal his breath, Jim swings around to say something – but she’s waiting for that.

“I’ll see you on the Enterprise Captain.”

McCoy pulls Jim outside before he can say anything stupid, but his grin says it all because Christine’s exasperated chuckle follows them into the first snow of the season. It feels like a start instead of an end, so Jim lets McCoy bully him into bed and grumble half-hearted platitudes until sleep comes.

He dreams of the dead, but they’re smiling beside him as the stars lay out a number of endless paths.

 

 **VI.** Spock finds him on the bridge the night before they ship out.

By then Jim had walked the entire ship from top to bottom – listening to the heart of his girl welcome him home with every step he took. His fingerprints mark the halls and consoles and lifts. Scotty had caught the desperate look in his eyes and ushered the skeleton crew away to give their Captain some time alone.

“Man’s gotta bond with his ship now off with the lot of ya!”

He tells her about what he accomplished while grounded and she informs him of the changes made to make her stronger. They feel the loss of Chekov keenly, but celebrate at Chapel’s return. They’re far away when the lift opens and they know who it is without looking.

“Spock,” Jim acknowledges without turning in his chair.

He steps carefully across the polished floor until he’s next to Jim with arms secured behind his back. While curious, Jim is also afraid to break the silence between them so he contents himself with Spock’s presence and they stare out into the darkness: A million unsaid things between them.

“You turned down the promotion – why?”

“You stayed – why?”

“I believe I asked you first Captain.”

“Perhaps, but I don’t care.”

The Enterprise hums beneath their feet as if scolding them for being stubborn. Closing his eyes in defeat, Jim exhales softly before gathering his courage to answer. When he looks up Spock’s dark eyes clash with his and the air slowly charges with an electricity Jim can taste on the tip of his tongue. As if balancing on a knife, Jim feels his heart race in his chest when he realizes he could fall into the abys laid at his feet.

“It has come to my attention… Jim… that your previous statement was made in error. You do care and perhaps that is why I find myself unwilling to leave the Enterprise at this juncture. If I am to honor the memory of my Elder Self I must do it while implementing the first piece of advice he gave me years ago.”

Jim feels as if he’ll fly apart if Spock continues to watch him intently.

“And what advice was that Spock?” he asks almost breathlessly.

Spock does not hesitate as he lifts his hand and lets it gently cup Jim’s face; his thumb resting at the corner of Jim’s lips, which tremble beneath the intimacy.

“To put aside logic,” Spock whispers, “and do what feels right.”

Lump threatening to choke him, Jim fights it down as he melts into Spock’s touch until he can breathe again. A million different paths at his feet and Jim knows with bone-shaking clarity there was only one ending – or rather beginning – he wanted more than he wanted the stars themselves.

With shaky legs, Jim pulls himself up until they’re standing eye to eye and the stark emotion reflected in their gaze feels like a puzzle piece clicking into place. There’s a sudden completion to the universe that had been missing in the moments leading up to second their lips touch for both the first and hundredth time. Jim sees stars exploding into existence behind his eyelids and Spock pulls him closer until their shirts become the only thing capable of telling them apart.

When Jim pulls away he’s unable to stop the broken plea from slipping past his swollen lips.

“Stay.”

Spock does not pause or flinch or gather himself at the swell of emotion that threatens to overtake him. He presses his reply into Jim’s mouth over and over again until the only thing they can hear is the satisfied pulse of the Enterprise.

“Always.”

**Author's Note:**

> I am reclaiming 'Always' and using it in an acceptable and healthy way. Forever pissed at the romanticism associated with this word due to Snape. Never going to get over it.
> 
> Anyway it was my hope that by writing this I'd get my creative juices flowing so we'll see if my streak will continue as I go back and tackle "Flying Too Close to the Sun"
> 
> My fingers are crossed - thanks for reading!


End file.
